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Pain Should Be
Beautiful
It Should Be Remembered
Yet Never Rule You
Pain Comes From The Love Felt
Happiness Life Once Dealt
Certain Memories
Albeit So Sweet
To Look Back And See
They Remain Nothing More Now
Then An Amazing Dream
To Want To Be Relived All Over Again
Pain Settles Back Inside The Mind
When It’s Realized
There Is No Turning Back Of Time
Holding Onto The Pain
Craddling It’s Flame Inside Of My Heart
Pains Burn A Constant Reminder
That All The Beautiful Memories
And I will Never
Be Apart
I still remember as if it where yesterday
The Love for me that your deep green eyes portrayed
Holding you close
Promising to never let you go
As you take my hand our toes in the sand
We run and jump as the waves roll up
You keep my soul alive
As I watch you sleep and kiss your cheek
Each night I hold you
A Love so true
I’ll give it all up , just for you
I definitely did something right to have Someone as amazing as you here in my life
You turn a dark day sunny
Each and every time
You say “I Love You Mommy”
To my beautiful son Armani Dior
Mommy loves you with all her soul
***ALONE***
Alone in my mind
The most Dangerous place that I could find.
I wish I could leave
Find a way out
Alone is what brought me here
Alone is now my fear
Thoughts of suicide
Memories of tears I’ve cried
Alone, without you by my side
To hold me,love me, make me realize ,to hold on tight to this one special life…
If only .. You where here
To take me from this misery
Let this moment become lost in history
Live happily together for eternity
Maybe if I dream
Dream and dream
My dreams will become my reality
Alone,,,,
Why am I alone…
My Dark Place
My hideaway
Lifting my head
Long enough to see the candles flame spread tiny flecks of light across the four dark walls surrounding me
My Dark Place
Where I can’t be seen
A Dark Place
Where I can feel free
The smoke dancing beautifully
Amazingly I gaze as fire seems to flow from your hands
In such A dance
The smoke and flame consume the room
Causing my soul to float to the moon
I lay on the floor
In Our Dark Place
I brought You here, knowing you’d never want to leave, might have been a bit selfish of me
The High, may just be a disguise
Yet We are here ,together
Loving in our Dark Place
Hold me in our Dark Place
Time is irrelevant in Our Dark Place
Tomorrow will come
Once the night is done
Only to find if you will still be ,or if I might leave
This Dark Place…..hummm..We can only wait and see
Kiss so deeply
Hands exploring such a voluptuous body
I breathe In
Taking all I can of your sexuality
You feed me
Yet you’ve no clue how your saving my soul
My weakness dissipates as your aura strengthens me
Making me whole
I don’t love you
Albeit , I may say I do
I take all I need
Leaving your body weak
As I
Lay you down In the comforts of my bed
I notice in the mirrors reflection My green eyes flashing a deep blood-red..
Giving me an understanding as to the fear your beautiful face just said ,with no need for words, I know I will either take all of you… Only to watch you slip away and die in my arms.
Or take my time, driving you mad with lust , erase any memories
Of abnormality and eat with much greed!
Not quite sure what it is about you
I find myself wanting you again and again
When all you were supposed to be ,was just another one night stand.
So very slowly I run my large hands down your breasts until I reach your sweet center
Ready for me
The sent you release
If I was human it would bring me down to my knees
Yet
I’m Incubus….
I feel the power your handing over to me
My feet slowly lift from the floor
Arms spread as I lift back my head in hope that you won’t notice the extreme change my eyes take
Knowing I must control
Only for your sake
A sinister laugh unwillingly escapes
As I leap on top of your body cloaked with want for me
Slowly taking you in more and more you give of yourself
Not realizing you’re giving me amazing health
For you this Is the best sexual experience you’ve ever felt
For me … This is my fuel … My need to survive this long life
Chosen not by me
But by
The Fates decree
Tonight … I’ve decided not to let you die
For something of your soul calls out to me
Leaving my mind in a state of confusion
I ask myself … Why?
Why do I care if I let you die
Or let you survive?
What are you to me ? Your supposed to just feed me
Not cause me to think
Shaking my head
Hoping to rid it of these thoughts
I’ve decided
I don’t want you dead
For if I kill you
I can’t ever have you again
Your slender fingers caress my chest
Your beyond ready for me to take you to that euphoric place
I plan to take you day after day
I know this is a dangerous game played
If I get out of control
If I take too much from you
You could loose your soul
While I will become the most powerful of my kind
That sounds awfully nice…
***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~
Too be continued…….
Is this My Reality?
Or just A Fairy Tale World that I’ve been living?
Trying to hide
from this Damaged Life
I’ve been given
Railroad tracks run down my arms and neck
I need to inject this medicine or I’ll feel like death
Yet, this poison could bring me into non-existence
Now as I feel the warmth consume my body
As time subsides in my
subconscious
Mind I feel life moving all around me.
This life I love is not my own , only the lives which surround me…..
They say it’s better to have loved and lost then too have never loved at all…
Yet if I had never loved
There would have been nothing lost
Now your gone
Not by choice
He took you away
Away from me
Away from your family
You held my heart,my body,my soul
Now your gone
Left all alone
I pretend as if it never even happened
As if your still walking the earth
A very unhealthy way to live
I’m just not ready to mourn
He took you away
My sunshine on a cloudy day
He took you away
The tears stream down my face
What I’d give for just one more day
A day to tell you all the things I never got to, a day to hold you ,love you, kiss you
A day to run my fingers across every part of your body
Why did He take you from me?!?
Not you, not you, why you?
But….He took you away
In my heart You will forever Stay
Never to fade
I will continue to wait
Wait till fate takes me back to you
Until then I’ll do as You’d want me too
Stay strong
Stay True
Just as You always had me promise I would do
I will always Love You
Now
I can only hope and pray
That your watching over me
From a better place
That one day
I’ll again be held by your arms feel your strength
Memories , I will hold close until the time comes for us to be ,again as one…. He took you away,away from this world, I’ll love you forever and never let you go,
you will live on through the memories that I hold ,
I can only dream
I can only hope
That you can see me writing too you from above.
That you will know you are never forgotten that
You are Still Loved….
Save Me!
Cries sound of a Banshee
Fix Me!
Please?
Somebody ?
Help Me!?!
Only to realize …
These words hav’nt left my mouth
Vocal cords have shut down
Or …
Maybe, I like to be the way I am now?
Maybe, I don’t want to be saved ?
Maybe, I just don’t need to be changed
Or maybe, just not saved …
by you….
I’ve listened to your stories
All Your so-called testimonies
You believe
But do you believe in me?
Your walk doesn’t match your talk
I’m getting confused as my body shakes
the withdrawal completely taking over,fogging My brain
my control is gone
The lights flicker on, causing a seizure to once again reappear …
I reach out for you … I’m ..so…scared …
But where did you go ?
Your not here..
Left me alone…
Adorned in fear..
Everything turns to a Blur
My surroundings start to dissipate
darkness overtakes
A sound vibrates through my soul
It’s a door being shut closed
Is this it?
Am I done with this existence ?
Your voice …
Echoes, so loud
I hear you now,
“Open your mouth baby, please calm down!”
“Why are her eyes rolling in the back of her head?”
An unknown voice says
Not an ounce of compassion radiates from the girl
As I smell the strong stench of the meth’s smoke escaping from her shriveled lips begin to swirl
Coating the air all around me , my stomach begins to curl,
“Put the fucking pipe down, can’t you see She needs “Our” help?!?”
I hear You tell Her… As my lips are pride apart
Something being shoved into my mouth
The chalkiness
The taste of A benzo taking affect
Slowing down the intense beating of my heart
Your arms wrap around my convulsing body
Trying to soothe away a close Tragedy
My shaking finally begins to subside
I look up, open my eyes
I see the woman staring down at me, her toothless smile
Her soulless glare
Has me feeling almost scared
I ask,”who is she”?
She answers , with a sickening grin
“Someone He left with, who has something much more important then You are too Him”
My face , written with confusion , not quite sure what She meant.
Until She tosses a pill bottle of Xanax on my lap.
“Guess He forgot to bring you your medicine?” She shrugs her thin shoulders while releasing a most sinister laugh
I look into his eyes
I see something strange
The love He had for me seems to have changed
All so sudden ?
Maybe I’m wrong… Until the woman tells Him
“Hey, c’mon .. She fucked up my high , let’s fill up My Pipe, I’ll get you feeling hype ”
Her stare never leaving me as she pulls on his arm to follow her lead.
For a moment I think that he will stay with me…
He kisses my cheek and tells me if I need anything
he’ll be outside
Getting high
I apologize ….
I ruined his good time,
I just don’t understand why he tried to preach to me?
To force me to kick cold turkey!
All the while knowing…
Withdraw from Xanax can cause seizures to brain damage …
I watch his back as he walks away
I hear her laugh as she leads him into her sick trap
His love is only for his drug, far more important than the love we once shared
His hypocrisy
All he preached about being clean
Now I know !
It’s time for Me to leave…
This situation is just causing me more anxiety
Another panic attack..
Grabbing my bag
As I head out the door
I pop another Xanax
To keep my body and mind in complete control .
Breezy SkyLa 